Stolen Stetson
by HotChilePepper
Summary: Jedediah's prized Stetson has been stolen! Jedediah and Octavius go on a hunt to find it. Many questions arise but most importantly, who stole Jedediah's Stetson? No slash.


**Stolen Stetson**

Jedediah raced from the main hallway down to the diorama room. He pushed past some of the random Romans in the Roman diorama. Jedediah knocked loudly on Octavius' door to his quarters.

"Jedediah, what do you need, my friend?" Octavius questioned giving Jedediah a bewildered expression since the cowboy appeared to be out of breath.

"I was the victim of a violent crime," Jedediah explained.

"WHAT?! Were you mugged?! Did you get beat up?!" Octavius inquired.

"No! Ma Stetson was stolen!" Jedediah cried.

"Oh," Octavius said seeming less than enthused.

"Well, do ya not care? 'Cuz I'm uh… what's the word, Octo?" Jedediah wondered.

"Distraught," Octavius supplied.

"Yeah," Jed replied.

"No, no. I care, it's just you were not the victim of a violent crime," Octavius smirked.

"What do ya mean, Octo? O' course I was!" Jedediah exclaimed with a confused face.

"Ok, whatever you say, Jedediah," Octavius said with a laugh because Jedediah's puzzled expression was priceless, "Just tell me what happened."

"Alright, so I was walkin' down the main hall goofin' off. Then, I took off ma Stetson for like 20 seconds so I could itch the top o' ma head. So, I see Ahk and go ta talk ta him. I forgot to put ma Stetson back on 'fore I went ta talk. I went back ta where I set ma Stetson down and I guess some crazy road lizard stole it!" Jedediah informed.

"That is quite the tale, my friend," Octavius said while stifling a laugh.

"I don't need your sass! So, are ya gonna help me find it?" the cowboy wondered.

"I suppose so," the Roman sighed.

"Now that's what I call a true friend," Jedediah smiled.

"I know, I am that great," Octavius smirked.

"Don't be braggin' 'bout it, Octo," Jedediah teased as they walked out of the diorama room.

The two miniature men began to walk to the main hallway. They searched around the main desk where the Stetson was allegedly stolen.

"I do not see it, Jedediah, nor any clues," Octavius said after they were 10 minutes into their search.

"What seems to be the problem, lads?" Teddy inquired as he rode up to the cowboy and the Roman.

"Jedediah's Stetson has been 'stolen'," Octavius explained making air quotes around the word stolen.

"I see; is there any way I can be of assistance?" Teddy asked.

"Ya could tell us if ya have seen any suspicious activity," Jedediah whispered.

"I can't say that I have," Teddy replied as he twirled his mustache.

"Ugh, I'll never see ma lucky Stetson ever again!" Jedediah wailed.

Teddy quickly rode away after this statement. He didn't want to get wrapped into this mystery any more.

"I will ask for Larry's permission to see if he will take me to go buy you another Stetson," Octavius commented.

"But that Stetson was irreplaceable!" Jedediah groaned.

"Well, I'll get you one that can be equally as special," Octavius insisted.

"It ain't never gon' be the same, boy," Jedediah moped.

"Well, I am not going to watch you mope around anymore," Octavius replied.

"Fine, if your gonna keep buggin' me 'bout it," Jedediah said.

Octavius rolled his eyes.

"Drama King," Octavius mumbled.

"Whatcha say, Octo?" Jedediah inquired.

"Nothing," Octavius said as he strolled away.

"Wait!" Jedediah called after the Roman.

"Yes?" Octavius asked as he walked back.

"I have ta tell ya the requirements the Stetson must meet," Jedediah said.

"Oh geez," Octavius mumbled.

"Numero Uno requirement: it must be an _authentic_ Stetson; it _cannot_ be a cheap knock off. Second requirement, it must be black. Only black will be accepted. The third and final requirement is that it has to fit me perfectly and it cannot be made of itchy material. Are you writing this down?" Jedediah rambled on.

"Yes," Octavius said as he held up his note pad.

"Ok, that's all, Octo," Jedediah said.

"Sheesh, how many requirements can one person have for one hat?" Octavius muttered to himself, as he walked away.

Jedediah began to walk to Ahkmenrah's tomb. Once he reached Ahkmenrah's tomb, he tapped on Ahk's ankle. Ahkmenrah bent down to look at his miniature cowboy friend.

"Hello, Jedediah, how may I be of assistance?" Ahkmenrah asked his favorite cowboy.

"Ok, I can't eat, I can't sleep. I need someone to be by myside 12/7. Ya know, every night. So, will you be my bodyguard?" Jedediah said.

"Why me?" Ahkmenrah inquired with his adorable puzzled face.

"Ahk, you'd be perfect! For the past year, you've been taking karate," Jedediah explained.

"Um, how do you know that?" Ahkmenrah wondered as he fidgeted around.

"I see ya sneak out with a duffel bag. One time I hid in said duffel bag with Octo and we went to karate with ya," Jedediah smirked.

"Don't tell anyone about that ok. Larry must _never_ know that I sneak out every night and practice what you call karate," Ahkmenrah pleaded.

"It's not the first time I've kept one of your secrets," Jedediah winked.

Ahkmenrah sighed in relief.

"Ok, I will be the guard of your body," Ahkmenrah innocently said.

"It's a body guard, Ahk," Jedediah informed.

"Oh," Ahkmenrah said.

"So what do I do?" Ahk questioned.

"Well, ya follow me around and make sure nothin' happens ta me," Jedediah explained.

" _The Life and Death of Jedediah Smith_ , I like it," Ahkmenrah smiled.

Jedediah gave him his famous _you're crazier than a road lizard_ look.

"Too dark?" Ahkmenrah shrugged.

"Yeah, a lot dark, partner," Jedediah frowned.

"I apologize," Ahkmenrah apologized.

"Yeah, ok, let's go goof on people," Jedediah smirked.

"Sounds like fun!" Ahkmenrah smiled as he picked Jedediah up to give him a ride in his palm.

A few hours later, Octavius returned with a hat that met all of Jedediah's requirements.

"So, do you like your new Stetson?" Octavius asked his cowboy best friend.

"It's nice n all, but it's not the same," Jedediah frowned.

"So, you are telling me I wasted four and a half hours finding a hat that met all of your requirements for nothing?!" Octavius raged.

"Yeah, pretty much," Jedediah nonchalantly said.

"You've got to be kidding me," Octavius said with a face palm, "Come on, I am taking you somewhere."

"Where are we going?" Jedediah groaned.

"It's a surprise," Octavius said as he whispered the location in Ahkmenrah's ear.

"A good one?" Jedediah asked as his blue eyes lit up in joy.

"It depends on how you take it, my friend," Octavius answered.

Ahkmenrah walked them to Octavius' secret location. It was the American history room where Sacagawea was located.

"Why are we here?" Jedediah wondered aloud.

"Because Sacagawea is going to give you a therapy session," Octavius answered.

"WHAT?!" Jedediah exclaimed.

"Well, you have been an emotional wreck sense your Stetson was 'stolen'," Octavius commented.

"It's my prized possession! I have the right to be sad!" Jedediah said.

"Well, you need help, man," Ahkmenrah blurted out.

"Ahkmenrah!" Octavius and Jedediah scolded.

"I'm just going to go now," Ahkmenrah said as he scurried down the stairs.

"I promise you, Sacagawea will help you find your Stetson. It's not really a therapy session; she's just going to hypnotize you and bring you back to the moment it was stolen," Octavius informed.

"Why didn't ya say that before?" Jedediah said as he ran over to Sacagawea.

"You're getting very sleepy. When I snap my fingers, you're going to be all hypnotized," Sacagawea said as she waved Teddy's pocket watch in front of the miniature cowboy.

Jedediah fell asleep. Sacagawea could tell because she heard a light snoring noise escaping the cowboy's lips.

"Let's go back to the moment your hat was stolen," Sacagawea instructed.

"Stetson, it's a Stetson," Jedediah corrected as he was asleep.

The moments replayed in Jed's head. How he took off his Stetson and set it on the main desk. Then how he went up and talked to Ahkmenrah.

"Good, you're there, now, where is your Stetson?" Sacagawea questioned.

"It was on the main desk, but now it's gone," Jedediah murmured in his sleep.

"Ok, now look around. What do you see?" Sacagawea said.

"He's got it! He's got it! That crazy road lizard's got ma Stetson!" Jedediah muttered.

"Who's got?" Sacagawea inquired, she inwardly cheered, she was glad they were finally getting somewhere.

"I can't tell. I can't make him out," Jedediah mumbled.

"You have to try; you can do it Jedediah!" Sacagawea encouraged.

"He's wearing a dark jacket," Jedediah said.

"Good! What else?" Sacagawea pressed on.

"His name's on the back!" Jedediah exclaimed at his sudden breakthrough.

"Ok! Can you read it?" Sacagawea asked.

"I don't know, I think it's in French," Jedediah explained, "Mooseum Secoreity, his name is Mooseum Secoreity!"

Sacagawea clapped her hands. Jedediah woke back up. She scribbled something down on her notepad to show Jedediah.

"Was this the name on the back of the jacket?" Sacagawea asked, her note said Museum Security.

"Yes! That's it! Mooseum Secoreity!" Jedediah exclaimed.

"Jedediah, that says Museum Security! Larry has your Stetson!" Sacagawea clapped.

"Thank you, Sacagawea!" Jedediah said as he dashed over to Octavius.

"So, how did it go, Jedediah?" Octavius inquired.

"Great! I figured out who the thief was!" Jedediah exclaimed.

"That's amazing! Who was it?" Octavius wondered wanting to get in on the gossip.

"The crazy road lizard that stole my Stetson was… Gigantor!" Jedediah explained.

"Larry?" Octavius questioned.

"Yes! And let me tell you there will be vengeance to pay!" Jedediah raged.

"Oh, great. I'll never hear the end of this one," Octavius muttered as he raced off to help Jedediah interrogate Larry.

 **Author's Note: Hey readers! This is my third story about Jedediah and Octavius' friendship. If you want to read the other ones they are called "Flapjacks" and "Vending Machine Candy." I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. LOL!** **J** **;) (Reference Points!) Remember, all reviews are appreciated. ;)**


End file.
